Seven things you should never do with a zombie!!!
#7. Carpool. Zombies don’t have any sense of money, and they value brains far more than gasoline or a sense of obligation. It will be a one-sided relationship.
#6. Twitter. Zombies do not type very well, and are prone to way too many spelling mistakes to make such things worthwhile. Also, most zombies can’t count past 1.
#5. Canoeing. You’ll have to really resist hitting your zombie pals in the head with those fancy paddles. It’s not easy, I tell ya. Zombie head are made for paddling, yep. Plus, have you ever seen a zombie swim? No Phelps speed there.
#4. Dental examinations. Being a Dental Assistant to a zombie isn’t a good idea. Bad breath and no real motivation to floss makes this a no-go career. Don’t do it unless you want a sack of regret… and teeth.
#3. Beard growing contests. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but zombies do not usually have beards of any kind, nor are they interested in growing them. I do not know why, but it’s true. Beard pride is quite low among most of the undead. (Besides maybe liches.)
#2. Baking. Zombies are some of the worst bakers that I’ve ever seen. Yeast, flour, salt and flesh are pretty much all the same to them. They end up mixing it all together, making a true bakery disaster. You don’t want to eat those muffins, trust me. Put down that pastry.
#1. Banking. If you notice that your bank teller is of zombie-kin, you may want to wait for another assistant. I’ve mentioned that they don’t count so well, and have awful hygiene, but that’s not the real reason. It’s this: zombies are behind the current banking crisis. Who else would make such dumb, short-sighted decisions, putting our entire economy on the rocks? Only a zombie would be driven by such a blood-lust for profits. Dumb ass zombies.
I’ve got some creative readers here, proven by great comments every day. What did I miss?
What would you never do with a zombie?
Hit me with yours in the comments.
- Daniel
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Um, phelps was not about speed! It was lung capacity.
Show me one record of zombie DWI. There are not any.
They already too stupid to “get stupid”… Unless they are going to eat stupid!
Maybe Beastio can shed a horn or sawr it off like hellboy.
Great comic today! Here’s two more:
A zombie doctor would be a bad thing. Sure he looks convincing with his cold stethoscope, official doctor scrubs and great knowledge of brains, which he seems to speak of often, but his hands are dirty and he’ll probably botch the surgery.
A zombie grave digger would just dig up old friends and never get any work done.
Wow! Found your strip via the webcomic tattler. Love the art-style!
Hmm… probably wouldn’t let a Zombie co-pilot my Tandem. Sure, I’m wearing a helmet, but…
NEVER go to a chick flick with a zombie.
They cry like babies, and their tear ducts are extra productive, so if you happen to find yourself with a crying zombie, find shelter fast!
NASCAR Zombies! #3 BRAINZUH in corner number two for a quick snack. There used to be a bad carma associated with shelling peanuts in the pit. Zombie Pit Crew Pin Up Dolls with Parasols! Dastardly, do right! Zombie hotties slurping brains like jello shots on sorority night. Or those dead guys that drive the tooner cars and trick ride their two wheelers. Icy Hot Zombie Stuntaz (sneer)
AWESOME!
i would never want to go to an art museum with a zombie………they would get blood and guts all over the art…… making it hard to see.
This is just SUPER DUPER COOOOOOOL!!! You are the monster master and I love all the colors you used. Fantastic!
I taught an origami class to zombies once.
Bad idea.
They didn’t even care about exact creases. How can you not care about exact creases in origami?!
And when i told them we would be making paper cranes, i think they misunderstood……
Hey, Wait! this is Zombie #4!?—-They number their zombies?!
Great comic, nice colors, and its cool that you don’t really use outlines.
Continue to enjoy the characters and layout…as for something never to do with a zombie…let them sit on your toilet…it would be bad enough what they would leave in it…but just think of what they would leave ON the seat…large patches of skin and chunks of rotting muscle…