AUTHORITY NEWS NETWORK -Where you listen to the news, and we listen to YOU!
Patriots, we have a thrilling story for YOU! Sit close to your RADIO, because you do not want to miss this story of strife. But first…
(Dull Troll voice)
“Not blud. Drink MUZZ! Now cheap. 6 CrowBucks per can. MUZZ. muzz. MUZZ.”
“You buy me a MUZZ?”
And now, our INFIDEL STORM REPORT!
This just in! A pair of CREATU spies are among us, and it is up to you, Patriot, to help us find them.
This first is a diabolical bombing daemon named “Beastio Agyris Wand”. He’s exceptionally dangerous, armed, and certainly infused with forbidden CREATU powers. 1.75 meters tall, red, with horns, evil eyes, and scruffy chin. Often seen eating children impaled upon shafts of wood, this bomber strikes at night! BOOM!
Wand is accompanied by “Chadworth Machine”, a mechanoid freak with load-lifting claws, glowing skull, and fire-breathing mouth. Do not approach this technological terror! Reports insist that he has destroyed over 300 schools, and takes delight in torture, pillaging, and paper mache.
Be on the lookout, Patriot! They were last seen driving a bird-headed Carnavon Casket truck, license STMCRO, in the vicinity of New Toregutt. Images are now being sent to your radio printer.
300 Patriot Points to anyone who offers tips that lead to the capture of these sickly fiends! They must be stopped before more children are injured and unable to labor in the factories. This is WAR friends, pure WAR!
Next up, traffic with Big Jack Randy! Sponsored by your neighborhood Clown Bite!
But first, are you hungry?…
- Daniel
No related posts.
I don’t think Machine would be very happy to learn that he is accompanying Beastio. I’m sure he thinks it’s the other way around. Ha haha.
MUZZ:30 ? I thought I was the only one that recognized that time to crack a liter of MUZZ
Damn and blast, my radio printer doesn’t appear to be working…
How will I now what the scurrilous scoundrels look like so I can help protect our beloved Monstru?
Hey look, a squirrel!
Ooooh, paper mache! The horror!