My car, is usually a pit.

I’ve never really been able to keep my car very clean. Maybe it’s just not a priority for me, but I have a very difficult time keeping my vehicle shiny and nice.

Once you have a kid or two, it’s nearly impossible.

Children have this innate ability to create this gritty film that covers most of the back seat area. It’s very much like rust, except that it’s made out of ground up sugar, graham crackers, juicebox juice, dust, sand, lye, apple sauce, and beetle carapaces.

If you have children, you know what I’m talking about.

This stuff makes a terrific adhesive, just shy of the binding power of epoxy, and it is the 14th most durable substance in the known world.

I’m convinced that if we were able to harvest this material and use it for good instead of evil, we’d be able to save lives.

For instance, if we used it to coat the treads of stairs, thousands of the elderly would live their winters without fear of slipping on ice.

We could spread it on tanks and warplanes to make them impervious to the weapons of Al-Qaeda. Heck, spread it on Al-Qaeda and they’d surrender in a second. (It BURNS!)

Also, it could be used as an artificial head covering for bald gentlemen (like myself), which would also double as a terrific chick magnet helmet.

Just some ideas here, folks.

But what would we call this miraculous substance?

Kid Grit? Sugar barnacles? Sweet rust?

You tell me.

- Daniel

I don’t know about you, but my car gets dirty. Really dirty.

If you have kids, then you might have experienced the Sugar Barnacles; you likely know what I’m talking about. Our son is great, but he generates a sticky, gritty substance that adheres to everything!

It’s not that we’re just sloppy… we just don’t seem to care so much that our car is a pit. If I were rich, or at least wealthy enough to have a personal servant, I’d let them clean the car.

Photo from Flickr

So yeah, maybe I’m just lazy. I do have a lot that I do that comes far before cleaning the car, and that’s likely to stay that way for a while…. my whole life, prolly.

Are you a neat freak? How do you keep your car clean? Do you have any cleaning tips?

Boy, I could sure use them.

And yes, we DO that oil change/clean your car thing; it helps, just a little.

- Daniel

So, as a kid, I had a thing for medieval weapons. (Just like Chadworth there, with his battle axe.)

I don’t think that it was solely D&D that caused this; it was in full force before I discovered “the wicked game” in 1982 or so.

When I was 14, I lived on a farm with no electricity and no plumbing. I hand forged nails into miniature blades, which I lovingly polished to a sheen with steel wool. Sure, it’s a little wacky, but I had time.

Later, I made a guillotine, complete with a lead weight and a functioning triggering system. I used it to demonstrate some speach in High School, where I proceeded to chop the heads off of various vegetables. It was a couple of feet tall, and would likely sever a finger without much trouble.

My favorite creation though, had to be my match stick crossbow. It was really small, with a rubber-band string, and a fairly accurate button trigger mechanism that I duplicated from some medieval weapons book. It worked like a charm.

One day, on the bus ride home from school, I was showing off my handywork to another kid on the bus. There were only 2 of us on at that point, so it seemed safe.

I proceeded to shoot the crossbow, which launched the wooden match across the bus, hitting the far wall, and striking itself to flame. Dear gawd!

Ganelle, the bus driver, instantly smelled the fire and pulled over the bus. “WHO IS SMOKING!” she shouted. It took me a little while to explain that I had simply shot my miniature medieval crossbow replica, which accidentally ignited the match.

She bought my story, but not before I realized that I was a medieva-nerd.

- Daniel