Ouch Chank
By Daniel on June 19th, 2009- Comic »
- BattleTown »
- Comic
Fake letter:
Dear D-Master Daniel-SAN -
Why do you do what you do, the way that you do?
Stay Cool!
- Fakus99
Dear Fakus -
Thank you for writing.
I do what I do, because it’s how I like to live. I live to create “stuff”. It could have been sand-sculpture or furniture making or BMX bike jumping… but none of those things involved monsters or art or world-building. (And I wasn’t any good at any of them.)
However, there is something in your letter that I simply must address.
Please don’t call me “Daniel-San.”
You see, ever since the Karate Kid movie debuted in 1984, people have been calling me “Daniel-San.”
That’s 25 years of hooking me up with a character that I have very little in common with, and less interest in. It’s been relentless. I’ve been called that by hundreds and hundreds of hobos, strangers, co-workers, and road charlatans.
Now, sure, “Daniel-San” was fun and cute at first. (Like maybe until July 1984.) But now, it’s a little ragged, tired and old as Master Miyagi was in the film itself.
So please: no more “Daniel-San.”
Here’s a quick guide, to help you out:
- Daniel – Yep, it’s my real name, and actually my preferred moniker. 1st choice all around. Go with that. You’ll be safe, and it ALWAYS works.
- Danny – If you’re a close friend (or my mom) and you already call me “Danny,” that’s cool. You keep doing that. I happen to like it. If not, avoid “Danny” like riding a glass camel.
- Dan – Okay, so if you met met me in High School, you can still call me “Dan.” Otherwise, it reminds me of an archetypal “Dan” who works at the office, and likes to talk monster-trucks, wrestling, classic rawk, and the hot secretary. (Well, that and STEELY DAN.)
- “D” or “Danny D” – These are fine in writing or when you’re drunk, though I refer to my persona as “Danny D.” To myself. Yeah, I’m a sicko.
- “Double D” is a bra size. I am a Daniel Davis, but you’re just reminding me that I’m fat.
It seems to be the default nickname for Daniel’s everywhere, especially from new people that I meet. That’s okay, but please just be more creative.
Here are some other Daniel-based nicknames that you can use instead of “Daniel-San”:
- DanYELL
- Danotaur (But please no “book ‘em Danno”)
- Daniel Spaniel
- Danielsaurus Rex
- Danny Inferno
- Dark Steel
- KRAWM
I hope that you now realize how damn serious that I am on this subject.
Thanks for writing.
- Daniel “_____” Davis
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I empathise, try being called Damian.
PS you better not be dissing Master Miyagi. All I know I leant from him.
I always hated my given name. As it rhymes with so much other stuff it was torture in grade school.
“JJ”, “Double J”, “Jay Bird” quickly evolved in to simply “Bird”. On lady friend calls me “BirdBrains” and I answer to it! (Simply the affection that she uses when she says it, is more kind than cruel).
Please accept my apologies for calling you anything other than what you prefer to be called.
Jeez!
Can I still say “Wax on, wax off”?
Yeah, our names can be our identities, for certain.
But, you changed it into your own thing, and now YOU own it.
While it’s all true, if somebody accidentally calls me “Dan” I’m not going to flip out.
If anything, I do NOT take myself that seriously. I just wanted to riff on a pet peeve of mine.
Keep pet Peeve’s right next to the furnace gremlins but do not let them see each other.
Do not add coal or acetone.
If the Authority knew about those peeves, you would probably have to pay a tax, go to jail or worse.
Don’t peeves resemble an ancient ancesetor of the armadillo and live in petrified saplings?
As far as Fakus is concerned, he should be limited to addressing you as “Mr. Davis, sir”.
I always felt it was insulting to mispronounce someone’s name at them, this is why I wont hesitate to ask about pronunciation or preferred form of address when I’m not sure.
I also wont hesitate to butcher someone’s name mockingly if they act like an asshat.
>As far as Fakus is concerned, he should be limited to addressing you as “Mr. Davis, sir”.
Of course, Mr. Fakus is just me, so I’ll show more respect to myself in the future. (Whenever that is.)
> I also wont hesitate to butcher someone’s name mockingly if they act like an asshat.
That’s the spirit!
“The Future Is Yesterday!”
Mottos of Gunther Humberwump’s Temporal Relocation and Organic Recycling Service.
I used to get Dane-yul San. (phonetic spelling), too. And I hate being called Dan as well, so I can feel your pain. LOL!
Nice. That’s even a further stretch.
I bet that you hate being called “Dan” a lot worse than me. It’s bad when people get your name wrong.
- Daniel
I couldn’t help but notice that the moniker “Dandee Folder” was nowhere to be found on the list. Don’t worry, I’ll keep that one under wraps. Great comic today (as usual). Maybe you should take more of that allergy medication. Also, I am really enjoying the fact that Monster Commute now follows a storyline. It gives me something to look forward to in the morning. RRRRRRRROCK!!!!!
Well, “Dandee Folder” was only ever understood by me, and by you.
So, no nicknamin’ here going on.
It still makes me laugh when I think about you noticing my folder for the first time.
Yes those nicknames…. I actually don’t mind mine. Most people can’t even remember my name on show days. I do lighting for concerts and corporate events, and I can understand forgetting names, but don’t just call me by some female name. That pisses me off. Someone started calling me Lites and now its stuck! I don’t mind cuz now on a show people can just say where is Lites and I show up instead of yelling Sarah and getting mad at me for not getting over there.
Yeah, just calling you any female name is pretty disrespectful. Pah.