Monster Commute – a Traffic Novel

This is MPR, Monstru Pirate Radio

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Today, we have a special guest, Mr. Steam himself, Kip Cupwhistle (KC)!

MPR: Or should I say “Volton Cogg?”

KC: Kip is me. That is my name.

MPR: So, why so many names?

KC: Sometimes I hunger for a leafy twig.

MPR: I see. So, you like variety, then?

KC: Yes, and no. But mostly yes. Nope.

MPR: Being the newest member of the Steam Crow pirate crew must be exciting?

KC: Oh yes. The dead one yells a good deal. And the red one is sniffy. Good chaps.

MPR: So what really happened with those CrowBots?

KC: I drank some acetone and stabbed them.

MPR: How many?

KC: Five, but one was greenish.

MPR: Why did you stab them?

KC: I don’t like green. I honestly don’t remember.

MPR: Are you going to stab me?

KC: Are you green?

MPR: No.

KC: Do you have any acetone?

MPR: No.

KC: Then it’s unlikely.

MPR: I see that you have a pumpkin for a head. Is it a real pumpkin?

KC: I’d rather not say. But, I’d rather say “sponge buttons.”

MPR: (Coughs) So, what race are you?

KC: I’m a Pumpkin Golem. A #8 pumpkin golem, to be exact. I’m collectable.

MPR: What do pumpkin golems do?

KC: Gamble, mostly. I have a lucky hat. I call it “Kitten.”

MPR: What’s the most you’ve ever lost in a bet?

KC: I stabbed some CrowBots. And a refridgerator.

MPR: Well, that’s all the time for our transmission today.

MPR: I’d like to thank Kip Cupwhistle, pirate of the 9 highways, for joining us today.

KC: (Sound of sloshing and gallon container rustling.) Hic!

MPR: This is MPR, Monstru Pirate Radio.