Monster Commute – a Traffic Novel

My car, is usually a pit.

I’ve never really been able to keep my car very clean. Maybe it’s just not a priority for me, but I have a very difficult time keeping my vehicle shiny and nice.

Once you have a kid or two, it’s nearly impossible.

Children have this innate ability to create this gritty film that covers most of the back seat area. It’s very much like rust, except that it’s made out of ground up sugar, graham crackers, juicebox juice, dust, sand, lye, apple sauce, and beetle carapaces.

If you have children, you know what I’m talking about.

This stuff makes a terrific adhesive, just shy of the binding power of epoxy, and it is the 14th most durable substance in the known world.

I’m convinced that if we were able to harvest this material and use it for good instead of evil, we’d be able to save lives.

For instance, if we used it to coat the treads of stairs, thousands of the elderly would live their winters without fear of slipping on ice.

We could spread it on tanks and warplanes to make them impervious to the weapons of Al-Qaeda. Heck, spread it on Al-Qaeda and they’d surrender in a second. (It BURNS!)

Also, it could be used as an artificial head covering for bald gentlemen (like myself), which would also double as a terrific chick magnet helmet.

Just some ideas here, folks.

But what would we call this miraculous substance?

Kid Grit? Sugar barnacles? Sweet rust?

You tell me.

- Daniel

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