Monster Commute – a Traffic Novel

Monstru Pirate Radio (MPR) interviews Beastio Agyris Wand (BAW)

MPR: Thanks for answering our questions today.

BAW: Yep. Can you hear me okay?

MPR: Yeah, loud and clear.

MPR: So, we’ll get right to it. Why are you wanted by the Authority?

BAW: Well, no reason, really. I still don’t really know what happened. I think that Chad angered an aspect of Toni Oni (owner of ONI ONI MART) and he sicked the Authority on to us. We didn’t do anything wrong.

MPR: Chad being your friend, Chadworth Machine.

BAW: Yeah, he’s my best friend.

MPR: How’d you two meet?

BAW: Well, he knew my mom, and umm, he needed to borrow some money to purchase the Steam Crow. She lent it to him, which made me a partial owner. We worked on her and got her running, and we’ve been stuck with each other ever since.

MPR: A lot of folks really like the Steam Crow. You don’t see many of those anymore.

BAW: No, not at all. I don’t think I’ve ever seen ANY other Carnavon rigs anywhere. I think that’s why Chad was so keen on buying her right away. Even though she didn’t run, the ‘Crow cost a bundle.

MPR: What about that head on top? Did you guys add that yourselves?

BAW: Nope, it was there from the beginning. There was this ice cream manufacturer called the “Sweet Raven Confection Company” that must have commisioned the Crow, including that head. We never felt like it would have been right to take it off. It’d be almost like decapitation now.

MPR: Yes, I can see that.

MPR: So, a question a lot of folks have is “where are you headed next?”

MPR: Chad says that I can’t answer that for obvious reasons, but I’d say that we could head way up North before too long. I want to go to Skullopolis, but Steam doesn’t like the idea.

MPR: “Steam?” Are you talking about Kip Cupwhistle.

BAW: “Steam,” “Kip Cupwhistle,” “Pumpkin Top,” it’s all the same.

MPR: What’s it like with him on board?

BAW: Pretty good. Chad doesn’t yell at me nearly as much anymore, since Kip is batnutz crazy. I caught him drinking antique soap the other day. I like his sense of adventure. He’s more random than I am.

MPR: Well, our time is a little short today. Mind if we ask some questions next time, Beastio?

BAW: Sure, sounds good. Thanks!

MPR: We’ve been talking to Beastio Wand, a “road pirate” from the Monstru Resistance.

BAW: Road Pirate?

MPR: Next up: 7 ways to increase your coal mileage and musician Nemiss!

MPR: This is MPR, Monstru Pirate Radio