Monster Commute – a Traffic Novel

So, as a kid, I had a thing for medieval weapons. (Just like Chadworth there, with his battle axe.)

I don’t think that it was solely D&D that caused this; it was in full force before I discovered “the wicked game” in 1982 or so.

When I was 14, I lived on a farm with no electricity and no plumbing. I hand forged nails into miniature blades, which I lovingly polished to a sheen with steel wool. Sure, it’s a little wacky, but I had time.

Later, I made a guillotine, complete with a lead weight and a functioning triggering system. I used it to demonstrate some speach in High School, where I proceeded to chop the heads off of various vegetables. It was a couple of feet tall, and would likely sever a finger without much trouble.

My favorite creation though, had to be my match stick crossbow. It was really small, with a rubber-band string, and a fairly accurate button trigger mechanism that I duplicated from some medieval weapons book. It worked like a charm.

One day, on the bus ride home from school, I was showing off my handywork to another kid on the bus. There were only 2 of us on at that point, so it seemed safe.

I proceeded to shoot the crossbow, which launched the wooden match across the bus, hitting the far wall, and striking itself to flame. Dear gawd!

Ganelle, the bus driver, instantly smelled the fire and pulled over the bus. “WHO IS SMOKING!” she shouted. It took me a little while to explain that I had simply shot my miniature medieval crossbow replica, which accidentally ignited the match.

She bought my story, but not before I realized that I was a medieva-nerd.

- Daniel