I like to envision how the television hucksters, like Billy Mays, might try to pitch the Fistus: (yelling)
Billy Mays here, for the FISTUS!
Are you tired of flimsy wrenches?
You don’t need a cabinet full of hammers!
Do you like hitting stuff, with the power of Zues?
They you’ll love the all-new FISTUS!
Triple-forged by albino monkeys, the FISTUS is made from celestial-blessed, cold mithril.
This isn’t your grandma’s hammer! It’s like a wrench, but it’s a HAMMER!
CALL NOW!
- Daniel
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Sounds like the perfect holiday gift or stocking stuffer.
Dude, that is the most sexually provocative name you’ve come up with yet. (It does sound handy though.)
Moria-silver must cost a small fortune! The fact that it is untouched by human hands is a bonus, but I fear this is merely a Mithril electroplate.
At least Billy May would let you BUY THIS FOR 3 EASY PAYMENTS OF $29.95, or if you buy today we will double your order and we will include this middle-earth 7sided die (for hit points!) and a phallic shaped bobble-Bilbo for your dashboard.
Make your apparatus pay! LOVE!
mithril? isn’t that the cheese that’s so great with spaghetti and browned butter? ha.
(I’ve tried to get Chad to dress up as Billy Mays for Halloween)
Watching you work on this one was the cause of more 3 a.m. laughter than just about anything else. Great jorb, homestar.