This is MPR, Monstru Pirate Radio. Next up, a Goblin Interview!
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MPR: I’m excited today to interview a pair of unlikely fellows, Horst and Grist, actual living FURNACE GOBLINS!
Grist: Yeah, thanks.
Horst: Good to be here. I’m hungry.
MPR: So guys, what’s a typical day like for furnace workers like yourself.
Horst: Well, it’s really hard. We shovel about a ton of coal a day, bent over our shovels like slaves.
Grist: We are slaves, and how would you know?! You spend most of the time sleeping or reading those trashy novels.
MPR: You can read?
Horst: Sure, we can read. We’re not stupid, just uneducated.
Grist: And really, it’s our job to maintain the furnace and internal mechanical systems, so…
MPR: I had no idea. Most folks think of furnace goblins as little more than appliances.
Grist: We get that a lot.
Horst: Indeed.
MPR: How long have you guys been working on the Steam Crow?
Horst: I’ve been on for about 2 seasons, now.
Grist: 73 years.
MPR: How has it been?
Horst: Pretty tough, with all of the endless work, few quality snacks, and coal filled pillows.
Grist: I’ve worked on a couple other rigs, and the Steam Crow is alright. The Harmer hasn’t devoured anyone for a long while, and the Dead One just yells a lot. With traffic being how it is, we rarely have to do more than keep the furnace rolling and the boiler repaired.
MPR: What is “the Harmer.”
Horst: Oh, he’s the particular demonkin that haunts the Steam Crow. He’s big, and red, with horns, pointy teeth, and hooves.
MPR: Why such an evil sounding name?
Grist: Well, when he’s mad, he destroys things. Big things. Small things. Goblin things. It really doesn’t matter. He’s very powerful, so he can be good, or bad.
Horst: He does bring us Jolly Beans from time to time. If he doesn’t eat our heads.
MPR: What about “The Dead One.”
Grist: He died a long while ago, and decided that the ‘Crow would make a really good casket, as far as I could tell. He’s just sits there pretending to drive, while he moulders away.
Horst: The Dead One never sleeps.
Grist: Yeah, I think that they get that.
MPR: What is it like being slaves?
Grist: Well, we’re all slaves of one type or another. You with your day job, us with our furnace. At least with us, we know our place.
Horst: It sucks. No bennys.
MPR: Is there anything else that you’d like to tell our listeners?
Horst: Drive Good!
Grist: Stop listening to Monstru Pirate Radio, and watch the damn road!
MPR: Thanks guys! And next up, Gulgo!
MPR: This is Monstru Pirate Radio
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That bit about furnace goblins being appliances made me think, for some reason, of:
GEICO. So easy, a furnace goblin can do it.
What’s the name of the insurance company in Monstru?
That’s a good question…
Doomcrash?
But I guess that could be anything… including the Monstru stock market.
State Harm Insurance: Where the ‘good hands’ people give you the finger.
Ooohh… nice one, Marrock. See, these comments are good for something!
That’s right, if nothing else I can always serve as a bad example.