Starting tomorrow, we’re beginning something different with Monster Commute.

Chapter Two: Kings of the Road

What does this mean?

It means that I’m going to focus more on a story.

Primarily, I’m going to feel much less compelled to attempt “gag-a-day” strips. While these probably make it easier to get into MonCom, it’s brutally difficult to try to come up with something funny each and ever day. In fact, it’s gotten in the way of developing the world here, which has been one of my goals since the beginning.

It’s always been my plan to establish the road and the humdrum monotony of endless driving… and then move into a real story. I think that I’m finally ready myself, and I sense that you might be too.

Next up, I’m going to attempt to tell a longer yarn. It’s going to be challenging and fun and hard, and I’ll probably stumble (and fall) a few more times… but stick with me.

At the very least, I’m going to have more of a chance to show you some of this wicked old world that’s stuck in my head.

And that should be kingly.

- Daniel

Here’s my soundtrack, from Tom Wait’s Blood Money:

Starving in the Belly of a Whale

Life is whittled
Life’s a riddle
Man’s a fiddle that life plays on

When the day breaks, and the earth quakes
Life’s a mistake all day long
Tell me, who gives a good gooddamn
You’ll never get out alive

Don’t go dreaming
Don’t go scheming
A man must test his mettle
In a crooked ol’ world

[Chorus:]
Starving in the Belly
Starving in the Belly
Starving in the Belly of a whale
Starving in the Belly
Starving in the Belly
Starving in the Belly of a whale

Dan’t take my word
Just look skyward
They that dance must pay the fiddler
Sky is darkening
Dogs are barking
But the caravan moves on

Tell me who gives a good gooddamn
You’ll never get get out alive
Don’t go dreaming
Don’t go scheming
A man must test his mettle
In crooked ol’ world
Starving in the Belly…

[Chorus]

As the crow flies
It’s there the truth lies
At the bottom of the well
E-o-leven goes to heaven
Bless the dead here as the rain falls
Don’t trust a bull’s horn
A doberman’s tooth
A runaway horse or me

Don’t be greedy, don’t be needy
If you live in hope you’re
Dancing to a terrible tune
Starving in the Belly
Starving in the Belly…

A year has passed for our friends who yet find themselves in traffic.

I thought that this piece, in particular, was a good way to mark a change for the strip. Obviously, it implies a couple of different things… which I’ll leave up to you.

I wish that I could afford to spend this much time on each strip, but I can’t. At least half of the time was just tweaking the colors.

This strip is also an ode to one of my favorite illustrators, Alphonse Mucha. In particular, his 4 Seasons print is pretty dazzling. I thought that it was an excellent way to show the passage of time, so apologies to the ghost of Mucha!

If you’re so compelled, it’s also available a 12×18 art print for $20. (Go there to see a larger version, too!)

The colors are more rich and warm in the print, and not to sound smug, but I’m proud of how it turned out.

And yes, that beard is getting gnarly. I’m trying to convince my mustache to go handlebar.

See you Monday.

- Daniel

It starts our innocently enough at first…

Are you the kind of person who pushes the gas tank to empty?

Or do you get down to a quarter of a tank, and then fill up right away to keep it full?

Me, I like to push it. My wife, she likes to fill it up, and keep the tank full.

Now, I’m not against her policy; it just seems like you’re going to spend a lot more time at the gas station doing it that way. Why worry about nothing?

Is this some sort of philosophical difference? Do we see the world through different lenses?

What does it all mean?

- Daniel who-needs-to-rest-up-for-WonderCon Davis

Kings of the Road Continues Tomorrow with a new character…

ONI ONI Mart is a vast, far reaching gas station and mini-mart network. It has systematically destroyed every competitor, and has an agreement with Clown Bite Inc. that they won’t sell hot food, and Clown Bite won’t sell coal.

One can find an ONI ONI Mart on just about every street corner and exit of the Monstru Highway system. As new highways are built, space is automatically “reserved” due to a deal Mr. Toni Oni made with the AUTHORITY.

Continue reading about ONI ONI Mart in the Monstru Library.

- Daniel

I’m a sucker for propaganda posters, and I always will be.

So, did you notice MY poster? Yeah, I kind of figured that you did.

Hey, in celebration of our new story, I figured that it might be cool to offer you a free downloadable Lincolnstein poster to decorate your own cubicle/wall/locker/cafe/door/mailbox/cow. It’s a little fuzzy, but the shoddy AUTHORITY presses have been churning these things out by the thousandmarks.

1. Download the file (Comes with my catalog too.)
2. Print it out on your printer
3. Display proudly to show your support of the best dictator around
4. OR, deface your own poster, showing that you support the Factory Underground. (Send photos please.)

As an experiment, I’m also selling a larger/nicer version too. (Since I’m offering a free version too, you can’t accuse me of being a greedy b@stard.)

Note: Lincolnstein is the thus unseen dictator of Monstru. Since his election, these posters have been showing up everywhere. So, why not your cubicle?

Note 2: This is “Lincolnstein” not “Abe Lincoln”. Lincolnstein is a character. “Abe” is not.

- Daniel

Don’t you just love rude shopkeepers?

I worked retail for a couple of long years, at the now defunct “Home Base” home improvement chain.

I worked in the “paint” department, which means that I covered: Paint, decor, tile, carpet, and seasonal. Basically, one entire quarter of the store. Most of the time, I worked alone in my Department, or had very little overlap.

The worst thing was that we were expected to stock, help people, AND answer phone calls all at the same time.

AND cover other department’s lunches.

No lie. I’d get stuck covering LUMBER and Building materials for an hour, which means that 1 person was covering 1/2 of the gigantic store. People would be furious with me, and routinely yell at me in their frustration.

This my friends, is why HomeBase is no more.

They skimped on service. They made people mad. The aisles weren’t properly stocked. The phone wasn’t always answered.

And they damn well almost killed me with their fail:fail:fail mentality. There was no way that I could succeed like that.

Managers of departments would routinely work 60 hours a week, and then clock off, and work a bunch of more hours to keep their areas looking good.

I try to keep this in mind, when I offer service in our online store. I want to do the exact opposite of HomeBase.

- Daniel

PS, I’d like to thank Mr. Wil Wheaton for the creation of the “automagically” term used in today’s comic. I’m not certain that he made up that word, but he’s the one that I heard it from.

I’ve had the fortune to talk to Mr. Wheaton on several occasions and he has always been a gentleman. Hopefully, my use of his fine word will not convince him to sock me in the tooth.

Thank you, Wil.

-dd

I’m currently at WonderCon, hopefully behind a barrage of people attempting to purchase our fine wares.

Since I moderate comments by hand, you won’t be able to see your comments for a little while. However, I do hope that today’s strip gives you some interest in commenting, and as always, your comments are welcome.

Also, I’ll take another moment to pimp our Motor Mouth Community Forum. You should get in there, and get talking in my absence.

The AUTHORITY demands it.

Also, todays strip is dedicated to Ethan G., who named our Inquisinator. Thanks E!

If all goes well, I should be making my way back home again from WonderCon.

Ahead of time, I should also be thanking you for your support, and for hosting us in the city of San Francisco. If you followed one of our fliers, thanks for visiting!

If you’re a new reader, you can start at the latest (first) story arc; it’s not too late, as it just started.

Or you can start from the very beginning.

When I get back, I’ll moderate the comments when I get back and get them on the site. I hope that there are many.

- Daniel

Hey, at least Mr. Oni is a go-getter, right?

We’re back home (late) after a flippin fantastic trip to San Francisco. We had a great show, and we got to hang out with our friends Tim and Nan Hockin, of Nanimation quite a lot.

I also got to meet a lot of you in person (hey Andrew!) and see my oldest friend Kambiz. (Well, Kambiz is no older than me, but we’ve been friends a good long while now.) We met in 1984, before many of you were born. It was pretty great.

I hardly was able to leave our table this weekend, so I regretfully didn’t get to say more than a passing “hey there” to all of our friends concentrated in Small Press row.

We did chat briefly with Cool Jerk Paul Horn & Darlene, Ben and Andria Walker, Travis Hanson and crew, Michael Slack, Deb Aoki, Little Vampires Rebecca and James Hicks, Michael Flemming, John and Shelley Loter, Dale, Joshua Ellington, Pascale, Attaboy, Derek, and all kinds of people that I can no longer remember. (I mean not to be cruel… I’m asleep.)

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good show too.

- Daniel

Unlaw – Forbidden by Authority law or statute. A criminal act against the Authority, where the most logical punishment is Celebration.

Celebration – The act of inflicting doubleplus pain, as means of getting a confession or information, or for the entertainment of Party Members. Most Celebration leads to death.

Fleshcrime – An act of physical aggression or bodily harm against a Party Member.

- Authority Law MicroSpool, #1117

“When thirst for drink – Not blood. MUZZ!”
- Troll cardboard broadsides

MUZZ is a carbonated, alcoholic soda, produced by MUZZ Corp Inc. It is both loved and desired by children, thanks to an effective advertising campaign on radio TJZZ, Dark Rain. Last July, there was more advertising for MUZZ then there was programming on this station.

Read more about MUZZ here…

I’m going to the dentist this morning. Hope I don’t have any cavities.

- Daniel

When I was a kid, I’d spend my summers at my grandparents house, in Memphis, Tennessee.

It was the 70′s, and a pretty cool time to be on my own in a foreign land. Everywhere I went, I was accused of having a “funny accent” and when I told people my name was “Dan” they’d say “Darrin?”

Besides spending about 8 hours per day in the pool (which I did just about every day), we sometimes took road trips. My grandpa Art Miller would take his summer vacation, and they’d cart me across the South and East, primarily to Civil War sites, since I seemed to enjoy seeing the cannons.

The beverage of choice on all of these trips wasn’t Coke, or Sprite, or Pepsi, or even Dr. Pepper; Nope. It was Shasta.

I don’t exactly know why. Was Shasta that much cheaper? Or was it a bigger and bolder brand back then? I don’t even know if they make it anymore, though I’d bet that they do.

I can still imagine the crisp flavor of grape, black cherry, and Shasta cola, and it pulls me back to those road trips and worry free days, where all I wanted was an Evel Keneval bicycle.

- Daniel

Thanks SmilinPhoenix!

Kids don’t have much taste.

It’s not really their fault, but they generally want the junkiest crap that’s out there. Since they have little perspective to what’s “good” and what’s “cruddy”, they end up buying junk.

We see it all of the time at the Conventions, and I guess who am I to judge. But I like judging, so there you go.

As a kid I gave away my lunch money for a:
- Rubber pink dragon
- Rubber king kong
- Rubber scorpion that you toss on the window
- Spiked heavy metal gauntlet

So, I liked crap, too.

By the way, you can find a free version of this Lincolnstein propaganda poster in our store.

- Daniel

Hey, there is even a story about the posters themselves. Lookit that.

One of my favorite strips so far.

You can download your own free Lincolnstein poster. (It’s a pdf)

Or, if you’d like to own a super-nice 12×18 one, you can buy it here.

I SEE YOU.

Do you like these free downloads? Have you downloaded this poster? Let me know in a comment, or in our forum.

- Daniel

Like many teenagers, I had a bunch of posters on my walls.

Well, not too many, as well… we didn’t have a lot of money for such things.

However, I had good friends, and they usually kept me in posters. The last ones that I remember were the following:
- A Judas Priest poster featuring Rob Halford, with leather pants, vest, hat, and riding crop.
- A Lamborghini Countage car poster
- A tiger or something like that

It was fairly lame, but it was the best that I could do. When I was younger (late 1970′s), my mom would go shopping with me, and we would buy all kinds of fantastic fantasy posters (all illustrated) and put them on my ceiling. We had one of those houses with the attic ceiling, which was just perfect for all of the stoner posters I was buying.

But, it was pretty cool, and I loved it. I also tore up my Star Wars comics, and hodge-podged them all over the place too.

What did you have on our walls?

- Daniel