Me, I’m a Warlock kind of guy. Always have been.
When the other kids wanted crayons, I wanted a wand. When they tried to play football, I tried to fly. When they got drunk at parties, I quaffed potions.
Warlockery is in my blood.
But lately, this Warlock thing has begun to lose it’s appeal, as it’s becoming as common as strip malls and buffalo chicken wings.
Heck, all kinds of folks have been going about wearing robes and pointy hats, casting spells, and enchanting infants… and it’s making me mad. Damn mad.
It’s disgusting to watch the fakers steal our long held traditions and honor.
Yes, I’m talking about you, Santa.
Santa “Claus” is a jonny-come-lately, a wizard of few abilities and even less enchantments. He doesn’t even know Pass-Wall or Magic Missle for Zobar’s sake. But yet, he’s the world’s best known Warlock.
He won’t even starch up his wizard’s hat, letting it get all floopy. The man has no self esteem.
The man has no respect for us Warlocks, or our fine traditions.
By the way Santa, red is the color of fire Mages. Where’s the fire spell, buddy?! What, you live in the land of ice and snow? Make up your *&$%*# mind!
So give it up Santa.
Get off of that “magic” sleigh of yours, and let go of your weak wizarding ways. We know the limits of your powers, and it’s time that you acknowledged them too.
Stop enslaving those poor deer, and leave those gnomes alone.
Sicko.
- Daniel
No related posts.
ROTFL!!! Once again, I am torn – I think you’re rant is equally funny as (or maybe even more than) the comic! LOL! Great job!
I am sorry that you didn’t get the pointy ears or the ant farm you wanted as a child, Danny boy.
Maybe, deep inside your heart, you know you just want a lump of coal. Coal + fire = (Heat + water) = Steam. Your heaven is a surface walkers hades, brudda.
can you pass me a light, man? I gotta go quaff a potion!